Beat the star with a bat.

With a euphoric elation not experienced since I consumed vanessa felts gastric bands weight in prozac, Richard and Judy have apparently axed their own chat show due to ever decreasing audience numbers.

This Is one of those rare moments in the world that goes some way to make recompense for all the injustice, death and misery we all experience on a daily basis. For those unfamiliar with the show - lucky you. However, to place things in context the idiots two are displayed in the picture left, unfortunately not being pelted with rotten fruit and bricks.

The real life couple's carreer is well documented - so I wont go into any details here.

There is, afterall, no advertising - like no advertising.

All I'll say here is that they dogged Britain's Independent television authority between 1988 and 2001 as the omnipresent cockney anchors to the unexplainably popular ITV chat show 'This Morning'.

In 2008, Channel 4, notorious for its daring, controversial and occasionally illogical drug induced insanity decreed that it should be re-instated, commissioning the couple to return, albeit at a different time in the day.

Which leads us to today. Or recently anyway. Where their return has thankfully been short lived.

Anyway. 'This morning' , as in a few hrs back, when attempting to organise my brimming social calander- the radio times confims that there is a program on tonight called 'Beat the star'.

As you can probably guess, each week a member of the public is selected (by fair and completely random means Im sure) to compete in a series of trials against a so-called celeb/ star.

Hence the name.

So I gets to thinking I does.

Why not make life a little more exciting and give the gibbering duo a last 5 minutes of fame.

Have them competing against each other in numerous physical challenges involving daggers, guns and cleavers.

Although Judy shakes a lot she's got a calculating mind.

Richard, conversely, may not have the common sense, weight and strength sported by his portly wife - but his height accompanied with slender frame potentially gives him greater reach and enhanced agility. As demonstrated when he cleptoed a bottle of fizz at the local tescoes.

Any slight of hand round would assuredly be his 'in the bag'.

I'd probably pay to see that.

Probably.