Historically, Iv'e always considered myself to deserve a better quality of life than that which I endure. Unfortunately, I lack the motivation, energy levels and even talent to resdress this dilema.
This innately genetic lethergy resulted yesterday evening in me being exposed to that idiotic cunt Jonathan Ross. The tv controller batteries expired leaving me unable to change channel remotely, exposed to his hysterical and highly fucking irritating prattle.
This innately genetic lethergy resulted yesterday evening in me being exposed to that idiotic cunt Jonathan Ross. The tv controller batteries expired leaving me unable to change channel remotely, exposed to his hysterical and highly fucking irritating prattle.
Consequently, It was with moderate interest and semi-raised eyebrow I noted this headline today: 'Global warming moves alps border'. The article elaborated that the Alpine orientated Monte Rosa mountains previously used to illustrate the terrortorial divide between Italy and Switzerland are shifting due to glacial melt. Both countries are therefore now struggling to distinguish where one land ends and another begins.
If this is a scientifically valid argument i.e climate change confusing the very boundries of land ownership, it shouldnt be too difficult for me to make a fucking killing without leaving the house.
Adjacent to my current abode is a stretch of local authority owned land. It's not a significant estate but its enough to encourage children to play football and make a god awful racket; and dogs to shit all over the shop. With this in mind, I have arrived at the amiable conclusion that the land would be better suited to my possesion.
To place things in context, the stretch of land covers probably around 1/3 acre. Maybe less. Maybe a bit more. Either way, it has a moderate gradient which means it slopes gradually from north to south. At the bottom of the grassland there are a number of tress - undoubtedly planted to prevent soil movement when it pisses from the heavens. When it does rain, ( and due to the steep slope) there is nonetheless evident surface water. As time progresses, this must be taking its toll.
Bearing in mind 'alp-gate' I feel it only right to employ some of the local chavs under the cover of darkness to relocate my well-trimmed hedge to encompass some of this stray land. I will claim that this loss of council space is clearly global warming intervening in the form of divine intervention. In this respect, it is god's will that I have more land and ultimately a more cash. My legal representatives can act safe in the knowledge that God is on their side, and the land will be placed in my name. Equally, I will then partition the local authority to sign over all their resources to me, and I will sell the North East, belt and braces.
With the money secured I will purchase a large gun and shoot jonathan ross in the fucking arse.
Adjacent to my current abode is a stretch of local authority owned land. It's not a significant estate but its enough to encourage children to play football and make a god awful racket; and dogs to shit all over the shop. With this in mind, I have arrived at the amiable conclusion that the land would be better suited to my possesion.
To place things in context, the stretch of land covers probably around 1/3 acre. Maybe less. Maybe a bit more. Either way, it has a moderate gradient which means it slopes gradually from north to south. At the bottom of the grassland there are a number of tress - undoubtedly planted to prevent soil movement when it pisses from the heavens. When it does rain, ( and due to the steep slope) there is nonetheless evident surface water. As time progresses, this must be taking its toll.
Bearing in mind 'alp-gate' I feel it only right to employ some of the local chavs under the cover of darkness to relocate my well-trimmed hedge to encompass some of this stray land. I will claim that this loss of council space is clearly global warming intervening in the form of divine intervention. In this respect, it is god's will that I have more land and ultimately a more cash. My legal representatives can act safe in the knowledge that God is on their side, and the land will be placed in my name. Equally, I will then partition the local authority to sign over all their resources to me, and I will sell the North East, belt and braces.
With the money secured I will purchase a large gun and shoot jonathan ross in the fucking arse.
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